sonson
Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
hey what a wonderful kind of day
Hello to all..
its been quite some time but I hope to update this as much as I can. Not much has been going on really. I started my second semester of school this past August. I'm taking a lot of night classes and an online course because i really don't have time to go up during the day. it's nicer than i actually thought, the night courses especially. I'm living in an apartment and I need to be working as much as I can because of my bills so its a little bit stressful, but i'm managing. After this year I plan on going elsewhere to become an Xray Tech. I finally figured out what i wanted to do and im sticking with it. What else. My brother got married which was lovely. Im moving back home (not to the Anthonys) but my actualy parents house.. which will be very weird, very very weird. I haven't lived there in about a year and a half. so we'll see how that goes. If I go to school thats near this area, I might take up the offer my sis-in-law gave me to live with her while my brother is away in Iraq. We'd move into a 2 bedroom and i'd pay the rent too. we'll see how that goes. Its hard to move back home after you've been out of the house for so long. i thought id update. i gotta go take a shower and get ready for work and then maybe i'll hang out with mike, who is picking me up because i have no car! its broken and won't be fixed til tomorrow evening sometime. so we'll see...
ta ta
you love me..
son
everybody knows im in over my head
INTRO--Hello and wow has it been quite some time.. definitely a few months have gone by and needless to say those months have been quick, filled with drama and heartache, excitement and laughter.. i should update you all.. for those who will read this.
College-- After finishing a semester of college I dropped out of my second semester for reasons really I don't even know why. A lot of stuff had been going on and I felt that I needed to focus on that rather than school. But come to realize I was just being stupid. So I am planning on going back in the Fall 2006.
Craziness--It's 2006 and thats like amazingly crazy. I am out of high school and struggling with everyday life things. I am struggling with who I am and where I want to be and it just seems like I'm the only one who doesn't want to grow up yet. Everyones away at school learning and moving on with there life while I'm still stuck here scared. I feel old too. my babies (class of 2007) are going to be seniors and its just amazing at how they have grown.
Changes-- are so important in life but i wonder if i have made positive ones. I moved out of the Anthonys house (whom I miss every single day) and into an apartment with Ashley (a fun girl I work with) don't get me wrong I absolutely love it here in this apartment. But i'm working full time and killing myself to make rent and pay bills and its like i can't afford to take a day off and go on vacation cause i gotta save my money and budget it. some of you are thinking.. well duh yea.. thats what you are supposed to do. but again im struggling with the growing up part
some of my relationships have changed. i recently did this friends with benfits thing with this guy and yes don't ever do it because you only get hurt. its so true, but who am i to say that until you truly feel it. i don't ever wish that upon someone but its usually the only way one can learn. all i want is to be loved but i realized how can someone love me when i don't even love myself. yet i struggle with how to love myself in a positive way.. my roomie is this gorgeous kind hearted person and im just me. i think i just need to focus on fixing the positives in my life about me and make me feel good about myself. but theres where im stuck once again.
family-- my brother Casimir is going over yet again to Iraq, i feel we have gotten closer even tho we haven't really talked in a really long time. hes getting pretty serious with his girlfriend Jessie and I couldn't be happier for him, it was kind of a struggle.. letting him go. not that i would like talk to him about stuff but we were close and it just felt like she took over. which in sense she did and im so happy (now) about it, but back in the beginning as much as i liked her i felt.. threatened somewhat. im so over that now, but i still think about it time to time.
-- my mother is doing great. shes still has her rough days but my feelings for her haven't changed, shes so optimistically beautiful that it just kills me to see such a wonderful person go through the things she does. i love her so much for her everyday struggle with MS. she is such a hero in my life. if i had half of whatever it is she has, i know i would be happy with myself.
-- my father is okay. we just don't click most of the time. its getting okay. we can get along and have a conversation but i feel most of the time like hes comparing me to cas. cas has done wonderful things in his life and has made good choices. so why not follow him? do what he does. its so frustrating sometimes i think he only has one child and thats cas. i feel invisible because i don't amount up to what cas is. frustration is my word for him.
--Jessie should just be on here because shes basically family anyway. what a wonderful girl Cas has found to have in his life. this is the first girl hes really serious about and this is the only girlfriend i tolerate and just love! shes so down to earth and talks.. actually talks!! she not dramatic and i can really relate anything to her. shes just awesome.
friendships--- i have a hard time with this one. i feel like people are out to get me but its because ive been burned so much this year by the least expected group. ive lost friendships that im glad i did and ive mended some. some friendships i find myself trying to fight for but it doesn't seem like its worth the fight anymore. they want nothing to do with me or never have time to just talk to me . i feel i always initiate conversations and they never just.. call to say hi. i may be analyzing too much but i believe im right in this one.
loneliness-- i feel empty although i am happy at the same time. i feel content with my life but theres something missing and i do believe i know what that is. me time and what i can do for myself. its hard to know what you can do for yourself when you have no idea who you are. another struggle i am dealing with.
Tatum Lee-- i miss so much and i miss her guidance and the ability to just talk to me and make me feel at home. i just miss her spirit and soul and love so much. i have been able to cope with everything okay because of Mrs Anthony who is my lifesaver. but no one could ever compare to Tatum--ever. I just.. love her so much. such a shame people have to go the way they do.. with unfinished business..
ive broken a few hearts
mended some friendships
felt so high and drunk that ive been around the world twice
i was silly and had fun with friends
and ive fallen in love and danced
ive been cheated and lied to
but i believe after the pain goes away
ill be such a stronger person
i tip my hats to the dreamers in this world
and wish high hopes for the working class
who dream of a better life
but love the best
ive been well aware i am a teenager
i feel old and i feel unappreciated
i feel like im worth more than $7.25 an hour
i should be getting way more
but as much as i struggle
with bills and life in general
ive found a way to be happy overall
and thats the greatest accomplishment of my life so far
until a few months down the road..
sonja
College-- After finishing a semester of college I dropped out of my second semester for reasons really I don't even know why. A lot of stuff had been going on and I felt that I needed to focus on that rather than school. But come to realize I was just being stupid. So I am planning on going back in the Fall 2006.
Craziness--It's 2006 and thats like amazingly crazy. I am out of high school and struggling with everyday life things. I am struggling with who I am and where I want to be and it just seems like I'm the only one who doesn't want to grow up yet. Everyones away at school learning and moving on with there life while I'm still stuck here scared. I feel old too. my babies (class of 2007) are going to be seniors and its just amazing at how they have grown.
Changes-- are so important in life but i wonder if i have made positive ones. I moved out of the Anthonys house (whom I miss every single day) and into an apartment with Ashley (a fun girl I work with) don't get me wrong I absolutely love it here in this apartment. But i'm working full time and killing myself to make rent and pay bills and its like i can't afford to take a day off and go on vacation cause i gotta save my money and budget it. some of you are thinking.. well duh yea.. thats what you are supposed to do. but again im struggling with the growing up part
some of my relationships have changed. i recently did this friends with benfits thing with this guy and yes don't ever do it because you only get hurt. its so true, but who am i to say that until you truly feel it. i don't ever wish that upon someone but its usually the only way one can learn. all i want is to be loved but i realized how can someone love me when i don't even love myself. yet i struggle with how to love myself in a positive way.. my roomie is this gorgeous kind hearted person and im just me. i think i just need to focus on fixing the positives in my life about me and make me feel good about myself. but theres where im stuck once again.
family-- my brother Casimir is going over yet again to Iraq, i feel we have gotten closer even tho we haven't really talked in a really long time. hes getting pretty serious with his girlfriend Jessie and I couldn't be happier for him, it was kind of a struggle.. letting him go. not that i would like talk to him about stuff but we were close and it just felt like she took over. which in sense she did and im so happy (now) about it, but back in the beginning as much as i liked her i felt.. threatened somewhat. im so over that now, but i still think about it time to time.
-- my mother is doing great. shes still has her rough days but my feelings for her haven't changed, shes so optimistically beautiful that it just kills me to see such a wonderful person go through the things she does. i love her so much for her everyday struggle with MS. she is such a hero in my life. if i had half of whatever it is she has, i know i would be happy with myself.
-- my father is okay. we just don't click most of the time. its getting okay. we can get along and have a conversation but i feel most of the time like hes comparing me to cas. cas has done wonderful things in his life and has made good choices. so why not follow him? do what he does. its so frustrating sometimes i think he only has one child and thats cas. i feel invisible because i don't amount up to what cas is. frustration is my word for him.
--Jessie should just be on here because shes basically family anyway. what a wonderful girl Cas has found to have in his life. this is the first girl hes really serious about and this is the only girlfriend i tolerate and just love! shes so down to earth and talks.. actually talks!! she not dramatic and i can really relate anything to her. shes just awesome.
friendships--- i have a hard time with this one. i feel like people are out to get me but its because ive been burned so much this year by the least expected group. ive lost friendships that im glad i did and ive mended some. some friendships i find myself trying to fight for but it doesn't seem like its worth the fight anymore. they want nothing to do with me or never have time to just talk to me . i feel i always initiate conversations and they never just.. call to say hi. i may be analyzing too much but i believe im right in this one.
loneliness-- i feel empty although i am happy at the same time. i feel content with my life but theres something missing and i do believe i know what that is. me time and what i can do for myself. its hard to know what you can do for yourself when you have no idea who you are. another struggle i am dealing with.
Tatum Lee-- i miss so much and i miss her guidance and the ability to just talk to me and make me feel at home. i just miss her spirit and soul and love so much. i have been able to cope with everything okay because of Mrs Anthony who is my lifesaver. but no one could ever compare to Tatum--ever. I just.. love her so much. such a shame people have to go the way they do.. with unfinished business..
ive broken a few hearts
mended some friendships
felt so high and drunk that ive been around the world twice
i was silly and had fun with friends
and ive fallen in love and danced
ive been cheated and lied to
but i believe after the pain goes away
ill be such a stronger person
i tip my hats to the dreamers in this world
and wish high hopes for the working class
who dream of a better life
but love the best
ive been well aware i am a teenager
i feel old and i feel unappreciated
i feel like im worth more than $7.25 an hour
i should be getting way more
but as much as i struggle
with bills and life in general
ive found a way to be happy overall
and thats the greatest accomplishment of my life so far
until a few months down the road..
sonja
No Dead-Ons - Target To Miss
Hello
break seems to be getting to me.. entering week #5 out of 6 weeks off. im starting to lose it. a lot has been going on but I just don't want to get into any of it. I'm overwhelmed, emotional and frustrated and I'm not even in school and dealing with work yet! Work has been okay lately... but the problem I am having carries over into the work place and right now seeing as thats all i do.. its getting to me too. Friday I get to see my Magic Man one last time before he leaves Sunday to go to school. Muzzy is also going to be joining us (hopefully) so I will feel a little better seeing those boys. I don't know what else to say. I'm just kind of living each day like something. I don't know. I'm just completely gahhhh! i guess is the right word for this madness. im off to work now so I guess I'll update a little later. hopefully by next week things will be better.. hopefully
pray for me, cross your fingers or hold your breath
whatever you do.. do it
i need all the help and support i can get
son
break seems to be getting to me.. entering week #5 out of 6 weeks off. im starting to lose it. a lot has been going on but I just don't want to get into any of it. I'm overwhelmed, emotional and frustrated and I'm not even in school and dealing with work yet! Work has been okay lately... but the problem I am having carries over into the work place and right now seeing as thats all i do.. its getting to me too. Friday I get to see my Magic Man one last time before he leaves Sunday to go to school. Muzzy is also going to be joining us (hopefully) so I will feel a little better seeing those boys. I don't know what else to say. I'm just kind of living each day like something. I don't know. I'm just completely gahhhh! i guess is the right word for this madness. im off to work now so I guess I'll update a little later. hopefully by next week things will be better.. hopefully
pray for me, cross your fingers or hold your breath
whatever you do.. do it
i need all the help and support i can get
son
No Dead-Ons - Target To Miss
Hello everyone-
time for my weekly update brought to you by the wonderful ME.
hahaha i totally crack myself up
its christmas eve today and i hope everyone will be spending a lot of time with their family and friends who they may not have seen in a while. its always the perfect time of year to catch up with people anytime, it just makes it better around christmas!
I went to Golden Mass at good old Notre Dame on thursday. it was lovely. Cas, Jessie, Amanda and Mike and I sat together. went to the reception for a bit and talked to other people. Mike Amanda and I then went shopping, visited Jason at work and went and saw the movie NARNIA. very good I must say. Mike and Amanda and I departed ways later that night and I went over to Jaimes house to see some other friends I haven't seen a bit. It got a little crowded there so I headed home. Friday was just kind of a relaxing day and i had to work later that night. My boss gave me Xmas Eve off which I was ever so grateful for. so now I am here watching Mrs A cook and waiting around for the evenings festivities to begin. I am going to mass with the Anthony family and then going to my parents house to meet my aunt grandmother brother and his g/f for a family xmas. xmas day i will be watching the Anthony children rip open presents and then back down to my parents house for brunch.
I recently viewed a blog entry made by Connor and him stating all of his lovely people in his life who made his life what it is. wow i don't know if that made sense.. anyway.. it seemed to take a huge amount of time and today i am limited. so i will just let everyone know this.. if i know you and you know me.. thank you for impacting my life in whatever way you have, good or bad its made me into the person i am today. if you and i are close, thank you for all the wonderful memories/fights/whatevers we've had together. i think about them constantly i really do. to my class of 2005 i miss you so and love you thank you for alll the wonderful school memories we've had i cherish them always. to my family i just love you. totally love you. to my co-workers, thank you for making the work scene go by a little bit quicker, the drama that made it interesting and all of the funny customer stories we've shared. to Tatum Lee- I miss you lovey and think about you everyday. Rest In Peace my love. to my second family the Anthonys.. thank you for taking me in and giving me all the laughter and memories ill cherish forever.
finally....
to the road ahead...
I just can hope that everyone in my life including myself can be prepared for whatever will be thrown my way. its been a tough year, a lot of changes some ive had some difficulty with and some i could take whatever this year may bring i hope and pray that i may be able to face the upcoming challenges. because i can say that i truly believe whatever doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. and to all those who apply who i thought \about in the previous paragraph, im going to thank you ahead of time for helping me because i know those who will and those will just listen and those who will take a stand and say its wrong or right. and those i know who will love me for the choices i make and those who will hate me for how i will live my life, whatever the outcome may be. my life will be mine.
happy holidays and i truly love you all.
forever and always,
sonja
time for my weekly update brought to you by the wonderful ME.
hahaha i totally crack myself up
its christmas eve today and i hope everyone will be spending a lot of time with their family and friends who they may not have seen in a while. its always the perfect time of year to catch up with people anytime, it just makes it better around christmas!
I went to Golden Mass at good old Notre Dame on thursday. it was lovely. Cas, Jessie, Amanda and Mike and I sat together. went to the reception for a bit and talked to other people. Mike Amanda and I then went shopping, visited Jason at work and went and saw the movie NARNIA. very good I must say. Mike and Amanda and I departed ways later that night and I went over to Jaimes house to see some other friends I haven't seen a bit. It got a little crowded there so I headed home. Friday was just kind of a relaxing day and i had to work later that night. My boss gave me Xmas Eve off which I was ever so grateful for. so now I am here watching Mrs A cook and waiting around for the evenings festivities to begin. I am going to mass with the Anthony family and then going to my parents house to meet my aunt grandmother brother and his g/f for a family xmas. xmas day i will be watching the Anthony children rip open presents and then back down to my parents house for brunch.
I recently viewed a blog entry made by Connor and him stating all of his lovely people in his life who made his life what it is. wow i don't know if that made sense.. anyway.. it seemed to take a huge amount of time and today i am limited. so i will just let everyone know this.. if i know you and you know me.. thank you for impacting my life in whatever way you have, good or bad its made me into the person i am today. if you and i are close, thank you for all the wonderful memories/fights/whatevers we've had together. i think about them constantly i really do. to my class of 2005 i miss you so and love you thank you for alll the wonderful school memories we've had i cherish them always. to my family i just love you. totally love you. to my co-workers, thank you for making the work scene go by a little bit quicker, the drama that made it interesting and all of the funny customer stories we've shared. to Tatum Lee- I miss you lovey and think about you everyday. Rest In Peace my love. to my second family the Anthonys.. thank you for taking me in and giving me all the laughter and memories ill cherish forever.
finally....
to the road ahead...
I just can hope that everyone in my life including myself can be prepared for whatever will be thrown my way. its been a tough year, a lot of changes some ive had some difficulty with and some i could take whatever this year may bring i hope and pray that i may be able to face the upcoming challenges. because i can say that i truly believe whatever doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. and to all those who apply who i thought \about in the previous paragraph, im going to thank you ahead of time for helping me because i know those who will and those will just listen and those who will take a stand and say its wrong or right. and those i know who will love me for the choices i make and those who will hate me for how i will live my life, whatever the outcome may be. my life will be mine.
happy holidays and i truly love you all.
forever and always,
sonja
No Dead-Ons - Target To Miss
This Is Me
Counting Days
And Watching My Friends
Update Their Worlds
And Seeing The Final Picture